City of Heavenly Fire: snippet
cassandraclare: His eyes shone when he looked at her, green as spring grass. He has always had green eyes, said the voice in her head. People often marvel at how much alike you are, he and your mother and yourself. His name is Jonathan and he is your brother; he has always protected you. Somewhere in the back of Clary’s mind she saw black eyes and whip marks, but she didn’t know why. He’s your...
roastings: “are you straight or gay?” yes
creeeee: imawanchor: remember when the first time the audience saw bella swan she was just randomly clutching a cactus remember vampires suck?
goddamnitobama: So last night my mum wouldn’t let me have any sweets because she said they were all for the trick or treaters so i put this mask on and went out the back door and went around to the front and said trick or treat and she didn’t recognize me and she said “since i don’t think we’ll be getting any more tonight you can the rest of this bag my daughter will have them otherwise” and...
fishingboatproceeds: allthingsbagel: fishingboatproceeds: danisnotonfire: amazingphil: kickthepj: crabstickz: People Are Easy To Kill is that john green no
thrillionaire: just spooning my boyfriend out of his container it’s ice cream
cartoonmotioned: benedictedcumberbabeof221: jordan-has-lost-his-mind: should we just get everyone on tumblr to post the werdest shit we have to scare away yahoo im looking at you Sherlock fandom. here we come bring the crack au’s
android18: meanwhile at tumblr headquarters
dragon age: character sings you a song of mourning, of finding freedom after death and of overcoming grief to love another day
mass effect: character sings you a gilbert and sullivan parody about being a xenoscientist alien, including some catchy rhymes about biology and tautology, and salarian and batarian
hiddles-girl: -sunflowerseeds: Apparently there are these people who eat when they are hungry and stop when they are full. so the legends are true
tears-in-the-tardis: sometimes my mood is ‘beyonce’ but other times its ‘white person in an infomercial’
jesuschristvevo: i want to blow up my school but i dont want to get in trouble u feel me
asthelightsfade: icoulduseinsouciantmaybe: superhubbys: its gotten to the point where i have to pretend nudity surprises me #OH NO GENITALS WHAT A DISASTER #I AM AFFRONTED BY THIS FRONTAL
boy: shit baby you're so wet already
girl: that's actually just vaginal discharge and my body is cleansing itself from bacteria and dead cells to prevent infection and to maintain optimal reproductive health i'm not even all that turned on right now and i would prefer to go get some food or something
dirkstr8der: the-winchester-initiative: cryonetics: snorlaxatives: *sexually strokes wall until finding light switch* What a turn on. Get out. why does everyone say get out when somebody makes a pun dont get out get in here and make more puns
physicalvocalist: fallen-angel-in-the-tardis: lembas-and-cram: concernedresidentofbakerstreet: rendezvousramen: addictedtopunsandpizza: macaronivevo: jesuschristvevo: is it data or data is it route or route is it caramel or caramel is it either or either is it read or read is it lead or lead Maybe its Maybelline I hate how any English speaker knows exactly what’s...
niallshit: if u feel sad right now look at this bunny eating a flower
thatisalargebaby: teenage girls are fucking mocked for liking things that are marketed towards them and for them then when theyre sick of being shit on for that and try to like things not specifically “for them” they get shit on for “pretending” and they cant win at all its a lose lose situation being a teenage girl
glasslightss: andrvw: tumblr has made me completely comfortable w/ some things no one should be comfortable with #incest #serial killers #sentence fragments
abhortion: movies based off books are bad but books based off movies are so much worse
highsch00ls: 5evamore: when i see really attractive people i just laugh because i know if we lived in the aztec culture they’d be sacrificed to the gods for their beauty That’s a very strange way of coping with not being really attractive.
sherlocksmyth: richwhitelesbian: we need some new and more powerful swears thundercunt blastfuck megadick tyrannodouche gigantoprick gargantubitch ranciddong
Period: You want cookies
Period: You want to fuck
Period: You want to fuck while eating cookies.
Period: Let's be sad about trivial things, shall we?
Period: Kill them.
Period: Kill them too.
Period: Kill them and eat their cookies.
Period: Shhhh it's okay you'll feel better soon.
Period: HAHAHAHAHA NO YOU WON'T FUCK YOU.